"Strength for the Journey"

I love that title. It was the title for this mornings sermon. It is also what I have been praying for the past few days. For the past month I have been experiencing pain around my left ovary. I didn't pay much attention to it because it wasn't that bad and it wasn't a constant pain. Then this past Thursday it became constant and pretty unbearable. I went to the Dr. and he feels it is a cyst. I was told to take it easy. Of course I don't listen very well and went scrapbooking on Saturday. I was good and didn't lift anything heavy. I have some wonderful women in my life that made sure I took it as easy as possible. Even though I was taking it easy I was still in pain. When I got home I crawled in bed and pretty much stayed there. I somehow made it to church this morning, but not to Sunday school. Throughout these last few days I have been praying for strength to make it through each day, while at times feeling that this is hopeless. The sermon today was about this very struggle. Feeling hopeless in times of insane pain, times of financial struggle, times of emotional struggles. Something our pastor said this morning really stuck with me "God always shows up to show himself strong to those who are waiting for him".

During todays service something was made very clear to me. No matter how strong you feel your relationship is, no matter how many temptations you resist or how many sins you get out of your life, if you still have one thing in your life that is a sin you might as well have 50 sinful habbits in your life. I am guilty in this area. The past month I have been acting in a sinful way in one area of my life. I knew it was wrong and yet I couldn't bring myself to stop that until something hit me like a brick yesterday. God took that option away from me! I was acting in a way that did not honor God nor did it honor myself. Our pastor gave us four things to look at to help you know when you are out of step with God:

1. Your decisions by-pass God
2. Your thoughts reduce God. (that stinkin thinkin, impure thoughts, any thoughts that do not honor God)
3. Your habbits embarrass God (any habbits you wouldn't want your Sunday school teacher knowing about, habbits you wouldn't want your pastor knowing about, habbits you wouldn't want anyone knowing about)
4. Your living denies God (When you don't depend on God you are denying Him)

When our pastor was giving us these points I realized that I am completely out of step with God. I don't pray like I should, I don't have quiet times like I should, I don't depend on God in every second of every day of my life and I should. We all should depend on God for every need, every concern, every struggle and for every breath we take. "God is bigger than everything, trust in Him always".

I also realized, well I have always known this but it just hit me today, that when I am out of step with God, He will not bless any area of my life. Think about that. Is there something that you are praying for God to bless, but he isn't? Could it be that you are out of step with God?

Today I have rested and the pain is extremly low, but my heart is saddened. I recently had a man look at me with the most amazing look I have ever seen. The attraction was tremendous and he told me he felt like he had won the lottery with me. He told me often how beautiful I am, how hot I am. We got along great, we had amazing conversations and I felt so adored. There was just one problem, he isn't available emotionaly. Most people would say admitting this in a way that he could read would be showing he won. However, I don't see it that way. I am human and I always knew that kind of man was out there. I found him but I can't have him. I know the only way through this is to concentrate on my relationship with God first and foremost!!!! There it is, there is why I feel I have been out of step with God. I was slowly falling for a man that I can't have and I knew I needed to do anything possible to stop it, but I couldn't bring myself to do that. Yesterday he stopped it for me. I had been praying for God to take control of the situation and He did. I know it is the right thing to do, it is just hard when you have had a taste, a glimpse of what it is like to be truly adored for who you are and have it taken away.

Just needed to get that out, so I can move on. This man has forever changed my life and changed who I am. I found a confidence in me that I never thought I would find unless I was a size 4. I thank God and this wonderful Christian man for that. I pray that he finds the peace he needs and is able to move past the hurt and disappointment he is feeling so strongly right now. I pray that he knows I am here for him when ever he needs a friend, when he needs a shoulder or just a listening ear. I pray he knows that he has an unconditional friendship in me that will always be here!!!! I know I may be crazy for offering an unconditional FRIENDSHIP when I have already felt more than that or him. However, I believe God put us in each others lives for a reason and whatever it is, when I feel someone needs a christian friend they can count on I feel it is my calling from God to be that friend.

I pray that each of you have a blessed evening and a GREAT Monday. Our days are what we make them and what we allow them to be. Even though it will be Monday, be thankful that you have been given another day to become closer with Christ and another day to get your walk right!!!

Blessings, Feather