Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Single and Overwhelmed....

I made it to work today. I was a few hours late, but I made it and stayed till 5. I found out I have to go see my GI doctor in the morning. The ultrasound was normal according to my Dr., so he is afraid it is intestinal. We will see what happens next.

So, I found a devotional today, well actually two. One I purchased and the other is on order. The one I purchased is called "Single to Single" by Doug Fagerstrom. It is a 52 week devotional broke into daily devotionals. It is written by a pastor and many singles, so you get a singles perspective on what it is like to be single and walk with God. I am excited about this one. I also purchased Crazy Love, which I am really excited about. I said I was going to focus on my relationship with God and that's what I am going to do. I am going to immerse myself so deep into his word, doing devotionals and praying. I need to change my HAS to be stronger and it HAS to start now. I will still be doing the Journey devotionals and when my other book comes in next Thursday I will be doing three different devotionals. It is going to be fun and hard all at the same time!!!!

Today's lesson was on Genesis 50:20 "You intended it to harm me, but God intended it for good" It talked about someone doing something to you to cause you harm, but instead God used that situation for good. I can think of a time when this exact thing happened to me. It was this past July. Someone told my sister that I said all these nasty things about her and her family. Of course I didn't say these things. My relationship with my sister has never been the strongest of relationships, but we are family so we hold it together. I just knew that this would ruin our relationship forever. I made this known, but what I learned that day I will remember for the rest of my life. My sister told me that nothing could ruin our relationship. There is nothing I could do that would make her love me more or make her love me less. She loves me unconditionally and nothing is unforgivable. I know this may sound strange, that I should have known this already. We are sisters and sisters fight, make up, fight, make up and so on. However, my relationship with my sister is not like that. We didn't grow up together. She was married when I four, she had her oldest child when I was 7. We don't have your typical sister relationship that most siblings have. Because of this I didn't grow up feeling like no matter what we were sisters and we were thick as thieves. God used that situation to strengthen our relationship. I took her off of the pedestal I have had her on my entire life. I stopped striving for her approval on everything and anything I do. I feel so much more at ease about our relationship and truly believe now that nothing can break our bond. It is here to stay and we trust each other. We love each other and we will always be here for each other.

Those lies were meant to harm me, but God used it for good in my life. While it was a painful time and it hurt, I am so very thankful that it happened. It forever changed my relationship with my sister for the better!!!

The journey devotionals lesson today was titled "On Their Own". It was about a woman who was divorced and raising her children alone. It talked about all the struggles she now faced of handling everything alone. I think this is the one thing I hate the most about being single. Having to handle EVERYTHING on your own. The bills, the cleaning, laundry, cooking, grocery shopping and so on. There is no one here to pick up the slack when I am sick. No one to take care of me when I am not well. If I don't do it, it doesn't get done. Being on my own becomes overwhelming often and sometimes I don't feel like I can go on. I feel like if I have to handle one more bill, one more medical expense I will break. However, God will not let me. In 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 it tells us that His grace is sufficient for us, for His power is made perfect in weakness. It is so true, just when I think I can't take one more thing, God steps in and takes over. I somehow find the strength to handle that one more thing. My God is so GREAT!!!! He is always there and he steps in just in time to save you, to catch you, to hold you. No matter what the situation or circumstance is, He is there holding you safely, tightly and tenderly in his arms.

I am so blessed and thankful to be a child of God and know that I am loved by Him and to know that no one will ever love me as much as He does.

Blessings to all, Feather

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